Daily Reflection

Whenever you are at a loss as to what to do or how to respond to your child, ask yourself, 'What can I do at this very moment to strengthen my relationship with my child?'

Parents More Influential Than You May Think

A 2009 Survey of Adults and Teenson Parental Influence, Abstinence, Contraception,and the Increase in the Teen Birth Rate This new public opinion survey from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy provides some guidance on what might help to reverse the recent increase in the teen birth rate. Results from the nationally-representative survey make clear that when it comes to teens' decisions about sex, parents are more influential than they think.

For the complete survery go to...

http://www.teenpregnancy-stl.org/news/pdf/TPPP%20Quick%20Update%20August%202009.pdf

The First Day Of Kindergarten

I gave you a little wink and a smile as you entered my room today. For I know your child must stay. You've been with him for five years now and have been a loving guide, but now, alas the time has come to leave him at my side. Just know that as you drive away and tears down your cheeks may flow I'll love him as I would my own and help him learn and grow. For as a parent, I too know how quickly the years do pass and the one day soon it will be my turn to take my child to class. So please put your mind at ease and cry those tears no more. For I will love him and take him in when you leave him at my door.

*this was shared by a friend of mine Amber Goodwin, whose child is going to Kindergarten for the first time*

Teens Dressing Too Sexy

TEENS DRESSING TOO SEXY...





Q. My teenage daughter dresses in clothes that make her look too mature and, I am embarrassed to say, a little too sexy. What do I do?





A. Before the school year ended, I had the opportunity to attend a high school prom. While some girls were dressed in traditional taffeta, many girls wore sleek, stylish and, yes, sexy dresses. Unfortunately, these adolescents looked mature beyond their years. These intelligent teens were able to push the limits of the school's sensible dress code with heels that were too high, dresses that were too tight and makeup that was too sophisticated. Today's teens live in a fast-paced society and receive mixed media messages regarding acceptable attire. Yes, one can find appropriately dressed girls on the Disney channel, but these young starlets and their ultra-thin model friends are frequently photographed in skin-tight and skin-baring clothes as they attend Hollywood red carpet events. Today's parent may find it truly difficult to influence their adolescent's attire. No matter how your daughter dresses, a conversation about clothing trends is a great way to bond. Talk about the latest fashions and what was popular in your teenage years. Get out your senior yearbook and show off the styles of your youth ­- no matter how embarrassing. End the conversation on a positive note and reflect upon what you have learned before approaching the more serious subject of clothing that is too sexy. Clothing is often the way in which a teen will identify with peers. In fact, most teen girls dress to be part of the group and not to attract the attention of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, appearances project preconceived notions. Many, especially teen boys, will judge a book by its cover. Have your teenager look in the mirror and ask what her style says about her personality. Talk about how one can look fresh and hip without being overly provocative. If you run into resistance despite your sensible approach, remember that you are the parent. It is okay to "forbid" your daughter from wearing certain clothes. This conversation can, however, be accomplished in a positive "fashion." Let your teen know it is OK to disagree but also work toward finding an acceptable middle ground. Then, engage in some retail therapy and go shopping!!Have your daughter try on lots of clothes and assist with choosing appropriate styles. If a top shows too much skin, suggest your trendy teen layer her outfit. If a dress is too short, ask your daughter to try it on with leggings or jeans. Be creative, have lunch and buy her at least one new outfit. This shows your commitment to promoting a positive image. Fashion has replaced sensibility, and young girls are exposed to trendy, style-setting celebrities long before they hit the teenage years. It is truly difficult for today's parents to educate their impressionable daughters in today's multimedia environment. Voice your concerns but also listen before taking action.

*This was a question and answer taken from a professional in the counseling field...thought it was interesting expecially because he mentions taking a look at the childs personality and rarely do we hear/see that aspect. Personality piece is very important and support mine and Suzannes theory of The Pefect Fit-Finding Your Ideal Parenting Style Program.*

HOW TO LOVE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR

How to Love Your High School Senior
BY Tim, Jordan, MD, Behavioral Pediatrician

I’ve seen a number of 18- to 20-year-olds in my counseling practice recently, with the primary issue being fighting and power struggles with parents. There seems to be an upsurge of conflict the second semester of senior year, the summer before going off to college, and also when they return for the summer break following their first year of college. Let's explore what’s going on and what parents can do about it.

First of all, second-semester seniors and their parents are experiencing an emotional upheaval. Teens, on the one hand, can't wait to get the heck "out of Dodge," but on the other hand, they are grieving the loss of friends and family. Parents feel just about the same way. Teens also have fears about the unknown: They'll soon be faced with having to make new friends, living away from home, making career choices and creating a new support network.The problem lies not in everyone having these mixed emotions, but in that no one is expressing them. One of my favorite maxims is that "what is unexpressed becomes unmanageable!" Parents and teens tend to rattle and bark at each other when what they are really feeling is sad and worried as they undergo a normal grieving process.Thus one solution is for everyone to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk, where parents and teenagers can express their real feelings, not just the anger that's covering up these feelings. Let each other know that you're already missing each other and have worries and concerns about how it's all going to work out. Connecting at that level will bring closeness and understanding vs. acting out and conflict.Another issue that needs to be brought to the surface is that parents need to shift how they relate to and support their young adults.

Starting in middle school and high school, there should be a gradual shift, with parents becoming more of an advisor vs. a disciplinarian. By the time kids are 18 years old, they want to be able to sit and converse with parents at more of a peer-to-peer level vs. a top-down level.I saw a father-daughter pair in my office last year because the 19-year-old girl had returned from college with pink stripes in her hair and the dad flipped out. He felt she had colored her hair as a way to rebel against him and it really pushed his buttons. I helped him understand that it wasn't about him; it was just an expression of her newfound freedom. He was still seeing her as a rebellious 15-year-old. She’d grown out of that stage, but her dad hadn't stopped seeing her that way.

Finally, teens need to respectfully teach their parents how to support them as young adults. It will look a lot different than the walking-them-to-the-bus-stop days. Parents and teens can let each other know what their needs are as far as having enough time to stay connected, the specific ways teens want parents to support them with the college process, etc.

Each of your children will probably want to be supported differently because they and their needs are different.My old mentor, Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, wrote and spoke about touch points: times in a child's life when, just before a big leap in development, kids fall apart and seem out of sorts as they gather the energy needed to accomplish their next stage. The senior year is another of those touch points. But unlike tantruming 2-year-olds, teens and parents have the ability to sit down and share what they are feeling and what they need. Use this touch point to raise your relationship to a new, higher level that will feel more fulfilling and connected.